hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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