I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
