quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
