You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
either way he was missing a nipple.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
