Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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