my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize