i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How does one acquire holy water?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
