grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
