Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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