Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
