i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
