I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
sarcasm needs its own font
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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