I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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