I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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