I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
