my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
