Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
