Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
