I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
