The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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