I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
