I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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