two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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