And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
