I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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