She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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