I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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