Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
