everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
