i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
