Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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