So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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