Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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