the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
