I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
