2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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