I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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