Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
