sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
