I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
