Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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