Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
