somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
