this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
