Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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