it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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