Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
