How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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