My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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