Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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