Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
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just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
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No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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