the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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