New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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