I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize