is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
