So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
