I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
