I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
