He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
