im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
