i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
