If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
