i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
