i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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