my room smells like sperm. sweet.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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