hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
